Saturday, November 26, 2005
like we used to
i cant begin when u're in my mind. urg.get out. get out. hate.hate . hate. u are the island while im the one feeling isled. ure surrounded by water while im not. all we are just bullets i mean this. f*cking shit. okay okay. how did we used to do it. limits? nah . i dont get it. urm. dont get stressed out. slowly. y not just be straightforward? thatll be easier. err. no. no. no way. why must it be now that this happens. ? . why.? i tried to tell. i cant limit. i hate limits. urgh. why dont u still understand? someday i'll. u dont seem to see a thing. u changed everything. never seem to care. so busy with them. its the same whether i come to see you or not. its not me. its all about you. carry on like this and we will end up at a T-junction. we will. its like already ahead. visible through the fogs and mist. with litthe triis covering the path. can we go back and carry on like we used to? can we. i know u cant. cemented my face to go through the shame. asked her. oh my. came favours. still no response. no initiative. no nothing. i see that u ve losened ur grip.
see u around. dont ask me about this entry. find out urself. overturn this crap to carry on.
- â¥
9:48 am
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like we used to
Seperti Dulu.Exists.
Selalu ku mengharapkan
Kau akan segera pulang
Kau balik seperti dulu
Menghapuskan rindu
Yang sering menghantuiku
Semenjak kau datang
Di hatiku sayang
Semua resahku hilang
Diriku bukanlah
Seorang yang mudah
Menyerahkan cinta semudah kata
Kudambakan cinta
Indah seperti dulu
Kerna cintaku tak pernah rasa jemu
Biar hati bimbang
Aku terus menunggu
Benar ku tahu kau tak pernah jauh
Kau di hatiku
Di hari yang datang
Janganlah kau ulang
Lukai hatiku sayang
Aku pun bukanlah
Seorang yang bisa
Menggantikan cinta sekelip mata
Aku inginkan cinta
Kita seperti dulu
Kerna cintaku tak mudah rasa jemu
Biar hati bimbang
Aku terus menunggu
Dan aku tahu kau tak pernah jauh
Kau di hatiku
- â¥
8:56 am
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Saturday, November 12, 2005
my boiling mercury-like blood? i guess.
im sick. again. i have this fever. urm, its hot, i have weird nightmares at night. an ulcer down my throat. so, i cant swallow properly. not even my own saliva. painful. ouch! then. urm, i cant sleep well at night as each time when ihave to swallow my saliva, the prickly pain will stay on for long. ya. then i'll have to stay awake. just imagine. and it happened since the night before my maths paper 2. i studied quite long i guess. was from 2pm to 9plus pm that night. and i went to bed but realised im having a fever. heh. strange how come i didnt feel it earlier. aniways i had to sort of cancel the appointment with my little miss. sorry for the disappointment. i thought u'd call. or at least reply. um. never mind. we'll meet soon kaes?. relieved and glad. for now. as my major papers are all over. im left with art and geography on the dates 15 and 16 November respectively. and another science paper on the 22nd. soon, so soon. im gona werk. yay.
- â¥
2:32 pm
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Saturday, November 05, 2005
half dead?
ya. am i half-dead? i guess so. right now im down with a fever. o level fever i guess. sheesh. and its irritating. i hate fevers during exams. imagine how tired ur brain might be after one paper. ughh. whatever. btw, had the hari raya visits. found out he wasnt as good as he sounded. lol. mr cocktalker. oops. haha. baru mintak maaf. =P met most of my cousins. 4 together with me taking the o's. and including 2 more who want to go look for a job with me after the 22nd. aww. cant wait. maths paper is on monday. together with s.s. i should have no probs for s.s. i gota B4 for the practise i did. it was a june paper. singaporeans dont get to take that. ya june o's. ya then. more updates. more updates. ya. nowadays i seem to feel different. i hear this voice in my mind giving critics n laughing at my thoughts the other day. then, on another day, just after i fell asleep, i hear this same voice waking me up. "yan?.... yan??", it kept on calling. louder the second time. i opened the door as i thought it might be someone from inside the house. but the lights outside was off. everybody was fast asleep. and i thought it was just an imagination. so, back to sleep. yesterday night, i somehow heard my sister's mind. my little sister. she told me to guess who the hari raya card for her was from. immediately after that i heard her say the name. then i repeated after her. she thought i was smart but i heard her. and she denied and bla bla bla. u noe what i mean. though it is strange, it already seems normal to me. yesterday before i sleep, i saw a shadow dashed across this wall in my house with a small window connecting the dining room and the kitchen. i thought it was the fan on the ceiling. but when i got to the dining room, the fan was off. ya. weird. weird. weird. then had a sudden tummyache in the middle of the night. woke up and entered the toilet. behind me i saw something brown-black, swaying side to side. its like u can see it at the corner of ur eyes. then when i turned behind, it was nothing. the wall was white. no stains, no nothing. and the tummyache went away. what the hell. afraid to show urself but just wana play around. i was so sleepy and just slept. whatever u are, i've heard u, seen u. what next? smell u? feel u? idiot. aniways. life is collared. whatever that means. a red one i would prefer. this big animal just wont let me in the way. i'll stab u in the little toe. and down u go. crying in pain. and there my way is made. the collar u let go. im me again. foolishness.
urg. no one understands.
- â¥
7:34 pm
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